Boyfriend's lackluster proposal and cheap ring leave disappointed bride-to-be reconsidering wedding and wondering if a low-effort proposal is a sign of a dull marriage: "He asked me in our living room"

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    My best friend told my ring looks cheap and agree and am sad over low effort proposal

    "I just can't help but to feel disappointed"
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    My partner and I got engaged recently, and although I love him so much and am happy he feels the same, I can't help but to feel sad and disappointed in not only the ring, but the proposal itself as well. :(
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    I feel guilty for feeling this way. When I look at it logistically, I am with the man I love who I want to spend my life with, and a ring/proposal is just the "initiating" of that. I never expected to get a big fancy ring or a big fancy proposal, but I'm
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    disappointed in the way he asked me. I literally had just gotten off a long/stressful day at work, my brain was still in "work mode", I was wearing sweaty/gross post-work attire, and I did not look or feel cute at all. I'd just gotten off, and he asked me straight up (on one knee) in our living room... that's it. With the
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    Cheezburger Image 10473807104
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    most simple band, small diamond, I'm not even sure if it's real gold. I know the ring doesn't matter in the long run, we want a family and that matters more/is financially going to be expensive. But I just can't help but to feel disappointed because I've always dreamt of having literally anything romantic for my proposal, and it didn't feel that way at all.
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    We don't make much money, lower middle class (if that). We don't own a house, we drive old cars, etc. Actually, in writing this out, it's not even the money, it's the thought. It just felt so.... Not special and not how I pictured getting engaged :( I can't tell him this though because it will crush him and like, I mean, really crush him.
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    Not to mention, I showed a picture of the ring to my best friend and the first thing she said (we are best friends and will be honest with each other) was that it looks cheap, because, it does.
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    Cheezburger Image 10473807616
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    I'm so sad. I can't afford to pay for a wedding and neither can he so we probably won't have one even (we haven't even broached the subject since the engagement), and I just feel really sad and guilty for feeling this way. I'm not sure if there's any advice for this, but if you read this far and have any words of wisdom, thank you.
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    I haven't told anyone else about my engagement except family and my best friend because I'm so embarrassed. Although we aren't well off, we live in an area where I feel like material things are judged on, and I've been too embarrassed to even want to go get the ring resized. I hate that I feel this way, I'm so conflicted. Thank you for reading this.
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    DontCryYourExlsUgly I'm sorry you're disappointed. I see other posters saying it's not the ring or comparing yourself to others that should be your focus, and I agree, BUT it's legit to be disappointed by the proposal. It's literally free to take you to a pretty spot. There
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    doesn't have to be fireworks, your name spelled out in lights, or a picnic with charcuterie and fancy wine, but like, he couldn't have asked you in a park? Gone outside to look at the sunset? Driven you to your first date spot?
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    Off-topic, but how are you going to afford a family if you can't afford a wedding? I personally don't think a fancy wedding is necessary and the courthouse is fine, but kids cost a lot more than that. Do y'all have plans to improve your finances?
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    theliftinglipstick this needs more upvotes... its about the thought and a thoughtful thought doesnt need to be expensive...
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    SaltyShaker2 I'd like to add that you need to be prepared for a lifetime of thoughtless gifts and efforts put forth on those gifts. At least in my opinion. Gifts don't have to be expensive if effort is in it.
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    workmymagic Correct. In five years, /AITAH will get a post about how her husband did nothing to celebrate her milestone birthday or anniversary - not even a card from the kids. These men will never change.
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    Double SuperFly I think what the OP is feeling is the lack of effort in the proposal mixed with the ring being lackluster. If the proposal was more thought out, time was taken for her to feel special etc, I think she would find the ring more endearing.
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    Melodic_Copy_8495 I agree. My fiancé and I are pretty comfortable but we're not rich by any means. He saved up to get the ring I really wanted (moissanite, so cheaper than a diamond but it's my dream ring for sure and it's gorgeous), hatched a plan with my best
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    friend to have a "girls day" where we hung out all day and shopped and had lunch, then she then took me to our local pumpkin farm my fiancé and I visit every year and he surprised me with a proposal with all our family there. They made sure
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    I was wearing something I felt cute in and had my nails done, he made sure to have my bestie take pictures and videos too. It's the fact that OP's fiancé seemingly didn't put any effort into it that S ks. I know I would feel the same if I was in their situation.
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    AppropriateTheory705 This! It's definitely that the "thought" didn't seem to be there. It would make me wonder if he will not put the effort or thought into other things or what he prioritizes.
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    Limerloopy I wouldn't blame her if she asked him for a redo. Being tired from work and just getting home I'm surprised she didn't straight up say "not right now". Because that's just a terrible time to propose.
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    Not to make OP feel worse, but here's a helpful list of some low budget proposals I thought of: set up a candlelit trail to a room or short hike where it's either decorated or looks pretty and propose (even in their own home, and trail of tea candles to a room decorated with Walmart printed photos of them throughout their relationship and fairy lights)
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    • • For gamers, create an elaborate proposal in a Minecraft world, or design your own minigame that tells her how much you love her, then pop the question Create a meaningful video with videos of you together and him explaining how much you mean to him and watch it together before he proposes
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    • • Scavenger hunt finding cute messages around the house to then find message written in flower petals, tea lights, a decorated poster board, etc. Total surprise, walk on the beach and end up finding a cool bottle with a note wrapped up inside that says will you marry me
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    • • Find a city rooftop to go to with great views and then propose at night Put the ring on your pet's collar and have them find your beloved, then propose when they're surprised
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    Puzzleheaded_Bed_808 Schedule an engagement photo shoot. It doesn't have to be expensive. Get dolled up and have him get one knee for the photos don't stress too much about the ring. In a couple of years ask for an upgrade.
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    Cheezburger Image 10473807872
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    Enamoure Please don't do this. He should be putting more effort. It's not about how expensive something is. Is how thoughtful and how much effort someone put for you. Don't do it for him please otherwise he is going to get used to that
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    K_isforKrissy I'm sorry you feel disappointed :( I think take a step back, breathe and really approach it as he did the best he could do. There are lots of wins here on this moment that you may not be noticing. While your friend is not helpful and somewhat ride, validated what you already felt.
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    It's hard to compare what he could have done to what actually happened, especially in the age of everyone is showcasing how awesome their engagement was on socials only to make you feel not good enough. Which is what we fall victim if our mind wonders there.
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    If it's any help, my first engagement was outside of a strip mall by the water fountain in 25 degree weather with a .25 ish carat ring. I felt the same way until I had to shift my mindset that this is the man I am going to marry and I'm proud.
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    Feel the feels right now until you can see the good in the progression of your relationship. Most women don't get that far. I would also maybe n
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    doggiehearter This is the correct answer. An engagement is a blink of time and a marriage that is a lifetime. Focus on the man and the person and if he is a solid gold and good person and man that you truly love then nothing else matters. If he is cheap and selfish in other ways then you certainly have something to consider.
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    The fact that he is committing himself to you is the most beautiful thing not how he asked. A lot of Men are very insecure and try with her emotions they really have a hard time being emotionally available and expressing things.
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    Chrissy6388 My husband proposed at 5am on a random week day.. He had to be on base at 6am and was too excited to wait. My ring was pretty small but I loved it. We've been together for 20 years. I got a new ring for our 20th anniversary. Moral of the story is the awkward proposal and the ring size didn't really matter. He decided that he wanted to commit to me and asked me to do the same.

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